shallow thoughts: why do we only see old boyfriends when we have no makeup on?

i KNOW this is gonna happen to me every. single. time. yet somehow, i still try it--i still think that THIS is the one time i'm gonna get away with it. yeah........not so much.

you girls all know this story, and the ending is never gonna change--

so it's 2:30pm about a month ago and i had been cleaning and organizing my pantry all day long (translation: reading blogs and 'the host'). i was still wearing my sweaty gym clothes, and not even the semi-cute ones, i might add, and i looked a hot mess.

chandi wanted me to run her and her friend up to the pool and mia was asleep and katie was downstairs with friends, so i saw a golden opportunity to drop them off and run into harmons to grab some hershey's kisses for some cookies i wanted to bake russ. (note from author: no, that never happens, as i have my megan for such things, but i wanted to do something special for him and i knew he'd like this. plus, it was my apology for back-handing him the night before when he didn't line up all the cans of food in the pantry with the LABELS OUT.)

i'm standing in line waiting to check out when i hear, "hey--mindi!"

i turn around and am horrified, HORRIFIED, when i see that it's jake ryan** , (**names have been changed to protect the innocent.) this guy i used to work at the city pool with and had a huge crush on. HUGE. i have not seen this man since 1990 and of course, he looks great.

i stammer around with a hey and a ho and a i'mnotreallysupossedtorunintoanyonerightnowlookinglikethisandreallydidn'tmeantoblahblahblah explanation and he just pleasantly waves it off and asks about my family, kids, etc.

then i'm thinking, "what the FRACK is he doing at harmons in the middle of the day? TODAY? WHEN I'M HERE?" and he explains that he is here for a family reunion. i hurry and check out, say how great it is to see him and run out of there like my hair is on fire.

when am i ever gonna learn? I AM ALWAYS GONNA GET CAUGHT. they can NEVER see you when you've dressed up nice for dinner or out to church or something--oh, NOOOOOOOOO! that would be too easy. and really, judgers/haters (or liars -unto- themselves i like to call them) would argue that i shouldn't care, i'm happily married, that's so vain, etc. but, guess what: WE ALL CARE!! it doesn't matter how long it's been and how happy you are and how shallow it may seem, it just sucks big time when you see them and you look like you've been digging a sewer trench. underground. in the mongolian desert. without any water or deodorant. for 3 days straight.



so i found a photo of how i am dressing now each and every time i leave the house for the supermarket:


do you think it's too much? and PUHHHLEASE tell me that this doesn't only happen to me...

42 comments:

Shanz said...

Euuuuuuuuw! Choke, cough, ummmm, you could totally pull it off.

devri said...

As long as you wear the pretty blue eyeshadow that probably went with that outfit!!!

No Cool Story said...

It's the "don't go out like that" curse, I'd treat this very seriously Mindi.

Today is Jake Ryan, tomorrow Joel.

Christie said...

LOL - My MIL has a similar story where she'd been home all week with 6 kids who all had the flu, and she hadn't even showered in about 5 days. She'd thrown on something quickly to go grab some Sprite or something, and she ran into her old crush. She realized that in her haste to get dressed for the store, she'd thrown on a pair of pants that had pantyhose sticking out the bottom - that she'd been dragging 1/2 way out all through the store and never noticed until this guy came over to say "hi".

I'd say the hooker outfit is always the way to go. He'd definitely know that he was missing out that way!

Jori said...

It's not just you babe. Last time I went to Utah I ran into an old flame. He looked shocked and confused when he saw me. Yes,yes jackass clearly I've doubled in size what of it? I am going hog wild with exercise so I can where this hot little number of yours. Good choice.

jennie w. said...

This happened to me also. I had just gotten off the airplane with three kids (long flight, bloated, no make-up, frazzled beyond belief) and had no food at home, so we stopped at a little teriyaki restaurant on the way home. I walked in an saw an old boyfriend, I recognized his profile and had shoved my entire family out the door before he saw me. It was a close call. I will never do that agian.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Dan Fogelberg never wrote of such things the night he met his old lover at the grocery store....the snow was falling Christmas Eve.

He didn't say, "I met my former booty call at the frocery store.....dandruff was falling from her like snow on Christmas Eve...."

See, I choose to believe that these guys don't care all that much.

That being said, I saw my ex-fiancee recently. He looked TERRIBLE! (Yay!) He's aged like 30 years since I last saw him. (Only the good die young) And this is a totally wrong thing to say but.....his son was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and looked exactly like Chunk from The Goonies! I felt like I won a booby prize. I aged better and my kids are cuter. Yay Me!

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

frocery=grocery

Ummm, can I pretend that frocery is how we say it in Texas?

Bagiera said...

ooooh, sexy!!! Where did you get that outfit??

Angie said...

Its basically the same idea as: nobody EVER comes to the house when it is spotless, but as soon as it gets messy they are knoicking like crazy!!! Happens to all of us!

p.s. nice jake ryan!! fav show ever!

LN said...

You *MUST* tell me where you picked up that little outfit, so I can gets me one & wear it the next time I run to my local Home Depot. That way I won't be surprised when I get hit on.

Cole said...

It's never the ex for me, it's always the girls that we PERFECT in high school! Without fail, I'll be in my pjs adn flip flops, the kids will have me fazzled adn there they will be, Cool, calm, collected and perfectly put together! And still skinny too! Why do I feel so much anger at that point?

I'll get them at class reunion time...maybe.

rachel said...

I LOVE it :) Yes, happens to all an we do ALL care. I ran into an ex once like only days after giving birth to Micah...we all know how glorious and wonderful we look then don't we? A quick trip to Walmart for formula turned into the most humiliating experience of my life. These days I have actually run into a couple of old "friends" online so I try to make sure all of our blog photos are beeeeutiful and happy :)

Josh, Lindsie, and Ava said...

Oh, my worst nightmare come true! Luckily I don't have to be too concerned with this situation because I don't know very many people here to begin with, let alone, ex's. However, you are not shallow and we all DO care, some are just too lame to admit it.

Lesley said...

Oh it's not just you. Every time.

tammy said...

Whenever I go to UT I hope to run into my old boyfriends so they could see how hot I turned out, and it never happens. Luckily there are no old boyfriends here in AZ, so I am safe.

You could totally pull that look off.

Michael said...

You should keep in mind that the only times old boyfriends remember are the ones in the dark, lips pressed together, steam filling the room, beads of sweat on your forehead. He probably wouldn't have even recognized you had you not said something.

Me and The Boys said...

OH YEAH~! Never fails! it's usually right after i had a baby too, and i don't have the baby with me to prove it!

steveandsteph said...

Oh if I had a nickel for every time this has happened. Actually, I'm probably the worst offender. And I have discovered that HARMONS is the absolute WORST place to try and get away with it (I never attempt Target either). Let me fill you in on the tricks of the trade for us lazy gals who need chocolate in a huge way (by the way, kisses are my chocolate of choice too:) but do not want to pull out the stilettos every time. #1: Always drive the two extra miles to either Rite Aid or Big Lots (no one ever goes to these places). #2: Always keep extra large sunglasses in either your purse or car and wear them inside the store for Pete's sake! #3: If someone says your name, act like you didn't hear them and make a run for it! These are tried and true techniques from the pro (AKA Super Shallow Human Being who secretly hopes her old boyfriends someday wander into the photography studio where she got her wedding pictures taken so they can look through the album on the waiting room table and see how gorgeous she looked in her white dress:).

Tiburon said...

You just made me spit Rockstar out my nose. I had no idea you were a labels out kind of girl - I have backhanded Adam for much less.

I am lucky - all my exes live in Washington - so I really don't have much chance of running into them. Plus I have seen them on MySpace. I made the right choice getting out of those relationships!

Lamchops said...

This only proves what my sweet sis-in-law said last time I took her to "HORMONES". "Wow you have to totally get dressed up to come here!" I laughed it off but truly she was right. I just happen to see freekin' anyone & everyone on the planet that I have not seen in 10+ years EVERY time I go there. Sucks to be us!

Adam and Kristina said...

That picture has inspired me to pull my super tight, short pleather mini skirt out of my closet. I like to wear it to church with leggings, because, according to the women in my ward, leggings are perfectly appropriate with a long shirt.

I also have to say that I admire your dedication to your blog! When I started mine, I made a goal to post daily, but that lasted about 2 months. You rock!

JIll said...

WOW! I had not seen my first boyfriend since 1991 and I ran into him 9 months pregnant at Panda Express, trying to stuff my face. I was HUGE no way to make that cute! It was horrifying. He did recognize me and hugged me and we talked a while, but still crap.

nicolefurness said...

i feel your pain. usually if i see them before they see me, i dart around the store avoiding them at all costs. usually the tampon isle works well. they rarely travel that isle.

Collette said...

isn't it sad we have come to that point in life where we just don't look good unless we spend hours! i have done the same thing you did numerous times, thankfully i have never run into an old boyfriend!!

simply kris said...

i am like nicole-dart, dash and dive to avoid old acquaintances. if you can believe it, I have been surprisingly successful when I travel to the land of red rocks and sun. I used to go by kristi, so when I hear that shouted, i act oblivious or I run the other way.

Kami said...

This seems to happen to me all the time, it is our own dang faults. Glamour shot ready everyday from this day forward. Can I borrow that outfit for my 20th H.S. Reunion?

Tori :) said...

Jake Ryan!?!? LOL! That's awesome.

The 1st few months after moving back to Texas everytime I went grocery shopping I was paranoid I'd see someone I know. I finally stopped being paranoid and ran into an ex. Yeah... I avoided him so he couldn't see it was me.

Holly H. said...

Happens all the time... especially when you're a small town girl like me. Now all my ex-boyfriends have kids the same ages as my boys so we get to see them at all the sport and school events. Fun!

MiaKatia said...

I have never run into an old boyfriend since I live far far away, but I did run into a super cute old girlfriend from high school. I was 8 months pregnant, huge, in false labor and she was the nurse who came in to see if I was dilating... Nice.

Amy said...

I am so glad that I never had a boyfriend until I got married and then I am so glad that I wake up hours before Caylor does so I can get ready before he sees me.

josh and rach said...

Nope, you are not alone! It has happened to me a couple of times and the feeling of wanting to hide under a rock always comes. And it is so much worse when they look good!!! Sorry it happened to you but glad I am not the only one!

Tanja said...

Oh, yes and it was when I was eight months pregnant! It was funny because that was one of the last things he said before i left, was that he was sorry that he didn't get to be the one that would marry me or to see me pregnant. Well, he did in all my glory!! Hmmm, if only he could see me now!! {giggling}!!

You could totally pull off the short mini and stilettos, with your charmcil. {wink, wink}

tara said...

run. i say drop whatever it is you were trying to buy and RUN like hell. don't look back. it never happened.

Melissa said...

Next time, just pretend it's not you...

The Patrona said...

OMH. Someone get my Depends! And quick, because I am dying! Oh girl, I hear you on this one. So, i've made it a rule, of which I know you could easily adopt into your diva lifestyle. Never, under any circumstances, even if the house is on fire and your only in "The Snowsuit", do you leave without lipgloss, and if possible, blingy hoop earrings. These two items cannot fail in distracting, Jake, from looking at your disastrous hair, untailored eyebrows, and heaven forbid anything near Brazil, in the event you are at a public pool or promiscuous party. The tradgedy of this weeks events will undoubtedly haunt you for the next month or two. So let this serve you as a lesson home. MAC Flashmode lipgloss-never leave home with out it. And any girl out there that says she doesn't care what she looks like when she runs into her ex, is a total lying DPH, who secretly stalks her ex. See you at Cafe Rio for some fake mexican.

heidi said...

this has happened so many times that i have a pact with myself that i only go to the grocery store fresh from the gym, with my earbuds still around my neck so that they know i was working out and not just schlumpy and sweaty because that's how i normally look. otherwise i have to be dressed to the nines. shaved legs and lip gloss and all that.
and the big deal about seeing your old bf is all about making them wish they didn't look so bad.

Cole said...

Oh poor Miakatia, that one might take the cake....Sorry, laughing and cringing with the mental of that one....

Anonymous said...

This is RBC -- Just like Lana has always told you...even a barn looks better painted!!!

Alice Wills Gold said...

Crackin up at the pantry...that could happen at our house...but more like a full fledge war because he didn't tell me when he picked off the last can of beans and didn't tell to add them to my list and so I didn't have them the next time I need them.

And, really, who cares about the x boyfriend....you know that you come up way faster on google than he does...and you are so secure that you don't have to be one of THOSE girls who are all made up all the time.

Ida said...

oh sweetie you had my heart at labels facing out.

I think in our minds when we ever see THAT ex again we would look fabulous and he would be salivating sp? over us again. Yeah never happens. It's always when we are looking tore up from the floor up that we see people like that.

{Annie N.} said...

I hear ya sista. That happened to me last month.I was having the worst hair day ever and staggered out of my house after a fight with my wardrobe in a "mom outfit" {that I swear I was going to burn after the incident}. And what do you know after not seeing him for like 3 years he appears in the same place. Argh...