why my mother never bought the "A" package

after posting about school pictures last week, i though it only fair that i posted the very reason why lana did NOT buy the "A" package:


wait for it...























first, i would like to say that not EVERYONE in 1981 could get their bangs to lay across their forehead like that, so give a girl a little credit. b, i'd like to bit#& slap the photographer for telling an insecure 11-year old girl who changed her outfit 5 times that morning to "look really serious" for the camera. could there be any photo out there, ANY, that could compare to this level of badness? i think not.


(on second thought, this one comes close. but still, not even still in the same ballpark.)

so, now that i have fully and completely humiliated myself by posting that total mother of all trainwrecks, i thought i would post my favorite--1st grade mindi:



can you tell that one of the volunteer moms was right there with the comb before this photo? usually they liked to only take the photos right after we came in from recess, all sweaty and flushed from the million degree st. george heat--and then there was always somebody there to jack up your hair by combing it the wrong way. ahhhh, memories.

so THIS is what we're up against....

i saw this picture and was so glad at first. then i was mad.

seriously, this is what we women are up against. if we are all not 20 pounds UNDERWEIGHT, or some of our muffin top creeps out over our pants, (and let's be honest--when is it NOT?) then we are considered fat.

when i see a photo like this that was photo shopped, i immediately:

a: breathe a huge sigh of relief, happy in the knowledge that even a hawt model like our girl up there needs a little help,

b: get my panties all in a twist over the fact that it's probably a WOMAN who is doing the photo shopping. or placing the order for said photo shopping, and

c: wonder "why can't i have somebody following me around all the time that will fix all of my flaws and reduce the jiggle of my cellulite?"


why don't we women think like men? cuz you KNOW this is how it goes down in the dressing room:


when will we ever learn?

P.S. it's been brought to my attention that green swimsuit looks like she's peeing. i concur.

for my allegedly pregnant person of importance


there is someone i know and love very much who may or may NOT be pregnant. allegedly.

i can neither confirm nor deny the existence of such said pregnancy, but i wanted to post these aweseome pictures of what to do and NOT do when you are pregnant.


i think you all will find them very helpful and informative.

















{thanks, kristi, for the awesome hook-up!}

BY ORDER OF THE MANAGEMENT

my friend jen just posted these and i loved them--she is my friend that i love to hate because she basically looks like she always just stepped out of an ann taylor magazine.

jen has great taste, so i like to just do whatever she is doing. it's pretty much a no-brainer.


i thought this one was appropriate for our house:










my personal favorite:

you can find these lovelies HERE

foo fighters in lost wages

I still remember the first time the Foo Fighters were on David Lettermen. He looked into the camera and said very seriously, "I just want to point out to all you, that while you're resting safely in your homes, these people are out there fighting Foo."--tiffany


DO'S AND DON'TS OF A TRIP TO LAS VEGAS TO SEE THE FOO FIGHTERS:


DO eat at diablo's cantina on the balcony outside on a table that overlooks the las vegas strip--GREAT mexican food and a fun, party atmosphere. the guacamole was awesome and steve & i agreed that they had the best tasting rice this side of me-hi-co. our service left a little to be desired, but the evening was beautiful and our company even more beautifuler.


DO go with your besties/oldest concert-goin' friends whom you love and can get down with your bad selves with. steve & kamari= GOOD TIMES.



DO make out in a public restaurant. kind of.


DO win friends and influence people at the "register to vote" booth at the foo.
DON'T declare you support of dave grohl for president of the united states. (maybe at a later date...?)


DO make new bff's with the dad who brought his 16 and 14 year old girls for their inaugural concert experience.



DON'T bring your 5 year old to the concert who only wants to go home and be tucked in bed.


DO see the foo rock it out at the joint, where there is only enough room for 1500 of dave grohl & company's bestest buds.


DO yell at dave to "call you."
DON'T expect him to really do it.


DO see the foo join forces with some old dude from the group "yes" who really should be in bed since it's WAY past his bedtime.
DON'T pre-order any new "yes" albums any time soon.



DO wear your sparkly, shiny vegas shoes that look super cute but feel like crap that you have to take off 3/4ths way through the concert and stand, bare foot, on the sticky floor.
DON'T ever learn this lesson, and repeat this mistake every time so you can sacrifice comfort for fashion.


DO Pose for a "ten dollar bill folded the long way" picture with the dancers in the middle of the hard rock casino.
DON'T actually give the dancer the money.


DO actually spend the money in the convenience store on chips, red bull, and licorice for the late night drive home.

what i want for christmas: ITEM EIGHT

for SEBASTIAN to deliver some cold medicine to my front door.

(best part of the video? the "SHHHHHHHH" at :46. priceless.)

PET PEEVE: where is the cordless phone?

we have a cordless phone system that has 4 phones attached--one in the master bedroom, one in chandi's bedroom, one in the kitchen, and one in the laundry room. right now we have ONE friggin' phone floating around the house and usually it's missing in action.

now, granted, one of the phones is out of commission due to an unfortunate laundering incident. which i claim NO responsibility for. except for the fact that i loaded the washer. and turned it on.

so that still leaves THREE phones, but where are they? why is it that there is NEVER a cordless phone when i need one? or when the phone rings, and so then someone has to bust a move down to the laundry room to pick up the fax phone? which i hate to use because it doesn't show caller id, so it's totally kickin' it old school, with "surprise caller" on the phone. yeah, mindi is NOT a fan.

i wonder if this is how it is at other people's house? do they lose their phones as well? are they all in the same little hideaway that mia has stashed them in? along with my cell phone and first wedding ring?

three phones should NOT be that hard to locate.
but i can't find them.

i am seriously considering getting one of the old, wall-mounted phones like i had growing up in my morningside house. that cord must have been 20 feet long--all i know is that it was long enough to stretch down the stairs where i liked to lay on the landing and talk about REALLY important things, like tommy howell and my next 40 minute (those were the days!) tanning booth appointment at kay's kut and kurl.

is there such a thing as a gps system for the cordless phone? i would pay mad cheddar for such a thing. and then i'd install it on my cell phone.

fyi: 20 dollar reward to any of my children (or not my children) to find all 3 phones and have them in my hand by 5pm!~ desperate times call for desperate measures.
and bribery.

look ladies: it's horses. on a beach. YOU'RE WELCOME.

zwani.com myspace graphic comments
almost peed my pants when i saw THIS on the soup the other night.
ahhhh, joel mchale. you know just what pulls the cougars in...

ONE WORD COMMENT POST

{photo courtesy of a feathered nest}

ONE WORD COMMENT POST.


(they say that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery--my homegirl, ncs, RULES.)

wordle much?


my sister loni just turned me on to this: wordle is the name, words are it's game. you can type in words that describe you, copy text, or put your blog's feed into the generator and it will create a "wordle" for you--this is a totally ghetto copy that i had to print and then scan into the computer because my mad computer skillz were lacking. to create your own wordle , clickity HERE

funnyfunnyfunny randomness

i ripped this photo off from my bff blesbian blover, arianne--i love her so. and i might have to go out on a limb and say this could be my favoritest one of all time. really.





for tiburon:











{muchas gracias, more cowbell & the faiga family}
happy weekend! peace.