BI-WINNING!



okay, it was really only a matter of time until i felt like i must comment on the charlie sheen trainwreck thing--holy MOLY. talk about insane!

my only problem with the whole shebang is the fact that i oscillate between feeling like charles is a complete and utter arrogant ass, and then semi-worshiping at his feet for some of his perfectly candid and chuckle-inducing observations and theories.

if you wanted a quick tutorial on his latest, you should watch a clip of his 20/20 interview HERE--and, did you catch the fact that he took not one, but TWO drug tests right after the interview and PASSED BOTH? i was convinced that he was higher than a kite. INSANITY.


since i have already admitted in times past that i tend to like some of the guys who would be helming the d. bag wave (john mayer, eminem, kanye west.....need i go on? yikes.) it was no surprise that i find sheen completely amusing at times. like during a recent interview on the dan patrick show :


sheen: i decided to stay away from the crack, which i think is pretty good advice.....unless you can manage it socially, dan. if you can manage it socially, then, GO FOR IT. but, not a lot of people can, you know?

dan patrick: did you think you could?

sheen: eeeehhh, yeah. but then that kind of blew up in my face. much like an exploding crack pipe, dan...



but my absolute favorite commentary about the whole debacle was la time's the charlie sheen dictionary: a totally gnarly, bi-winning guide to the actor's best quotes


some of my favorites:

Charlie Sheen

Definition: The name of whatever Sheen’s on.

Usage: "I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."


Winning

Definition: The end goal of Charlie Sheen’s life philosophy.

Usage: “The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning,” “Just winning every second,” “Winning, anyone?” “Duh, winning!”

Pronunciation: Quoth Sheen, “It rhymes with winning.”


Bi-winning

Definition: Winning on the ultimate level.

Usage: I’m not bi-polar, “I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there.”


Riding the mercury surfboard

Definition: Skillfully working one’s way into the headlines.

Usage: "It's been a tsunami of media and I've been riding it on a mercury surfboard." (See also: “winning.”)


Wearing a golden sombrero

Definition: Getting divorced four times in a row (kind of the opposite of a hat trick).

Usage: “I tried marriage. I'm 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer -- I believe in numbers. I'm not going 0 for 4. I'm not wearing a golden sombrero."


Tiger blood

Definition: What runs through Sheen’s veins, making him all-powerful.

Usage: “AA was written for normal people. People that don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA,” “[I survived drug addiction] because I'm me. I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.”


Sober Valley Lodge

Definition: The Beverly Hills home where Sheen claims he’s healed himself “with the power of my mind.”

Usage: “We couldn’t really call it rehab because we didn’t have a license to operate one, so it was a crisis management center that we labeled the Sober Valley Lodge. … Its primary client achieved radical success.”


The Wedge

Definition: Sheen’s nickname for himself, based on his preferred position between his two blonde 24-year-old girlfriends, a.k.a. "the goddesses."

Usage: “It’s a wedge. Boom. You form a wedge to make room for the guy carrying the ball.”


Boom

Definition: An exclamation used to signify the end of a mind-blowing statement.

Usage: “You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life. “[My ex-wife Denise Richards] shows up looking the way she does. … Wow! Everybody’s winning. Boom!” “White gold? Boom!” (Synonyms: Bang.)


Buh-bye

Definition: An exclamation used to signify the end of a conversation.

Usage: “That's how I roll. And if it's too gnarly for people, then buh-bye,”




the guy is crazy. but i must say, CRAZY LIKE A FOX--he started his twitter account and reached ONE MILLION subscribers in less than 24 hours.

i should have known he had it in him, judging from his genius early work in ferris bueller's day off: (and i apologize in advance for it's usage of two naughty words. but it's a classic, so i think it was grandfathered-in.)


4 comments:

gina bina said...

There are no words for this. But I will say that I thoroughly enjoyed watching the 20/20 video on my lunch break. He is deep.

Omgirl said...

Ya, I saw some of that interview, but I had to turn it off. It was scarier than the Tom Cruise interview on Oprah, and that's saying a lot.

Vanessa said...

I will admit, I am addicted too. I almost signed up for a Twitter acct. to follow his craziness. But then I came to my senses.

I like this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOY1bhtZASM&feature=player_embedded

It is awesome.

tiburon said...

I can't get enough of it...

But then again - I am riding the mercury surfboard...