oh, the humanity...

while laughing my butt off reading THIS post i left a comment about my "perceived humiliations" as a teenager at my mother's doing, and i wanted to document for posterity:

back in the day, there was no "costco" for bulk shopping--we kicked it old school by doing ours at a local warehouse store called "robin hood's storage". it was basically the same premise as costco, just on a much smaller scale.

a family in our neighborhood owned it, and their boy, tom, was dreamy. he was 2 years older than me and i was always so nervous around him, although i have no idea why now looking back as i can see he had NO interest in me whatsoever.

of course, that didn't stop me from dressing up in my cutest esprit t-shirt to accompany my mom there every time i heard she needed to shop in hopes of seeing him stocking the shelves.

this particular summer afternoon i hit the jackpot as i spotted him right when we walked in.

i tried to look all contempo-casual cool strolling up and down the aisles with a very large cart and my dorky little brother, but i thought i was doing a fairly decent job of pulling it off.

my mom knew of my little crush, and so on the next aisle she said, "mindi--i need a few big boxes off of the top shelves that they have to lift down for us--will you go find tom and tell him i need him?"

i was all-a-flutter as i took my oh-so-nonchalant 14-year old self to the front to tell him we needed help. he walked back with me, of course not uttering a word (since boys don't like to talk, i told myself) and my mom said, "hi tom--i need you to get two boxes of the kotex sanitary napkins up there."


OH. MY. GOSH.

sanitary napkins? are you freaking kidding me, mom? KOTEX FOR CRYING OUT LOUD???!!!! now he is gonna know i have a period and everything and oh my gosh i want to DIE.
NOW.

i looked at her and she pretended not to see the convoluted, strangulated look on my face as good old tom durrant, my possible future husband and prom date and father of my 1 girl who i was gonna name 'kimothy' (yeah.) got a ladder so he could pull down two GINORMOUS boxes of sanitary napkins for my mom's food storage.

i ran to the bathroom and then sat out in the van until she came out.
looking back now, i think lana knew EXACTLY WHAT SHE WAS DOING.

i didn't know she had it in her......and so i channel her each time i do something that has katie rolling her eyes and telling me, "mom! you are such a dork!"


what about you? any tales to tell?

42 comments:

Angela said...

Hahahah, oh man. That was a great story to share. I would have been MORTIFIED! The boy in that first picture? He looks like he's mortified, too. He's hiding, crouching down in his seat. He looks like the epitome of every emo kid in the world.

Melissa said...

That is really funny! I was once buying prunes...only prunes. Not for me...for my dad, he actually likes to eat them. And the checkout guy actually had the nerve to ask me if I was having "problems"...I was so caught off guard, I couldn't believe he actually had the nerve to ask me that! But I was a little older than 14 so I think I survived!

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

OH MY FREAKIN HECKKKKKKK!!!!

I LOVE The Flight Of The Conchords.

I'm what they call a 'Jemainiac.'

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Kimothy. Wow. That's quite a name smush. If Kim and Tim named a kid after themselves, that would be it. And for the next daughter they'd have to carry the theme so she doesn't feel left out. The next kid will be Timberly. Sadly, baby 3 will be Othyimberly and don't nobody want to see that on a baby certificate.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Not to be all competitive and stuff.....but my mom was way worse than your mom!

We'd go to the grocery store and she'd always choose the line with the hottest cashiers/sackers that I knew from school and then she'd pick up the Kotex package and shake them around and say things like, "Melissa, are you sure these will be enough for you? Do you need a bigger size?"

If only I could have been sucked into the conveyor belt and just disappeared off the earth....

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Your music playlist is weird. It freaks me out a little to see that you have the Jacques Lu remix of What You Waiting For (like I do) the Guster Satellite song (like I do), and couple that with Keane, Muse, and Duncan Sheik and I swear we're thinking exactly alike musically.

Dig by Incubus is my cell phone ringtone. Yep.

We should totally co-DJ at the big blogger blowout bash!

Louise and Travis said...

Kimothy- love it

Christie said...

My mom was always pretty nice to me, but my dad loved to embarass me. I can remember one night at the mall (why I was at the mall at night with my dad I don't remember) and I passed some kids who were, like, totally popular. And he proceeded to embarass my sister and I by doing his Marine Corps drill sargeant calls (hut, hut, etc. he really was a drill sargeant in the MC, so he knows what he was doing.) Everyone was staring, and I wanted the floor to swallow me up.

Jori said...

You had an Espirit shirt too?? Lucky! Your mom is hard core I dig her!

ashlynn said...

awesome!

Lesley said...

Did you have the Esprit bag. The big one with the pocket on the front and the multi-colored logo? So classic!

rachel said...

Contempo Casual...I remember that place :) I don't have any horror stories like that , I but when my kids are older I hope to be able to offer them the same service!

daisy said...

Great story! I can't wait to embarrass my girls. Love it!

Chillygator said...

Oh, that is so painfully mean!

My dad still goes out of his way to embarrass me (this is part of the reason I refuse to acknowledge his existence. Not all, but part). Luckily my mom is as shy/easily embarrassed as I am and tries not to inflict any more emotional damage on me than necessary.

Maybe I'll call my sister's next child Kimothy. She would love that.

Angie said...

Too dang funny!! YOu got a good laugh out of me once again! I so wasn't expecting the pads!

Tanja said...

LOL, that's too funny! Gotta love our parents for keeping us humble.{tee-hee}

Tiffany said...

That is a perfect story. PERFECT!

My favorite parts: "contempo-casual cool" and "kimothy" of course. I plan to use both of those in at least four sentences today.

Kami said...

Best Story Ever! One smart cookie your Mom is. Isn't it funny how everything was a big deal back in the day. I used to duck in the back seat of my Dad's old Chevy Malibu 1970's style. Now I think that it was a sweet ride and I should have been proud of my Pops.

Love Contempo Casual.

Me and The Boys said...

my kids are too young...but once they hit Enterprise Elementary I'm all over that! I'm sure I'll embarass my children by trying to be the cool mom...that really is a dork!

Aimee said...

You kill me! That's an experience I would have probably blocked from my memory completely. I don't remember any specific incidents - b/c of that selective memory of mine - but I did always meet my dates 2-3 blocks from my house, to avoid them having to sit down with my dad.

Tori :) said...

OMGosh!! That is just too awesome!! Your mom is rad.

Kimothy huh?

tammy said...

That seriously has to go down as one of the worst moments ever {hereby known as WME}! Contempo Casual - oh yeah.

Kristen said...

Too funny! Luckily my mom was pretty mellow. Nothing even close to comparison!

Vanessa said...

My dad was a policeman. Does that tell you anything? When I went on my first date to the preference dance, he said to my date "You better treat my daughter with respect. Because if you don't, I'll hunt you down and kill you like the dog you are." Umm, thanks dad. I appreciate that. Needless to say, I got no action that night!

PS, Esprit shirts rock.

R-Eight said...

I always loved watching the "Lana and Mindi dance". So funny!

Megal said...

wow. didn't know mom had it in her.

tara said...

i would have given my leftie for ESPRIT ANYTHING back in the day. I had to settle for my mom's homade handcrafted jeans (in orange and brown) and anything we could get for a steal at fashon gal. your mom is stupendous. you should keep her.

Holly H. said...

I remember my mom agreed to taking us "cruising" on Lehi Main Street. We heard a couple cute guys from our junior high were walking on that street so we wanted to go and "CASUALLY" check them out. My mother so graciously rolled down the window of our green Granada and yelled "Hey Boys, all the girls are in here." We freaked out and hit the deck as fast as we could, and insisted that my mom take us home asap. She also knew what she was doing for sure! Very funny story Mindi. Your kids will love it when they get older. :)

Shanz said...

Just today a friend of mine told me that last night she took her daughter to the American Idol concert, and when David Cook came out, she ripped off the shirt she was wearing to reveal a homemade and totally tacky - with glitter "I Love David Cook" t-shirt and started screaming and professing her love for him much to the horror of her 15 year old daughter and her friend! In fact, it totally made her daughter cry! She thought it would be funny. OOOOPS.

Omgirl said...

1) hilarious
2) I have more embarassing mom stories from my life than all the other commentors combined. That's what happens when your mom is extremely extroverted and has adult ADHD. I will have to think of some good ones to post. But my mom reads my blog so I have to figure out how to keep her from reading it.

Omgirl said...

Oh, I just thought of a good one that involves a belly dancing outfit and seminary. I'll have to work on that one.

No Cool Story said...

Kimothy! Oh yeah.
I cried, I laughed, I almost peed my pants.

Ida said...

awww that is funny. I embarrass Gianna now about her boyfriend Dylan. I sing songs to her like Dylan and Gianna sitting in a tree. She about flipped when I told her that I took his stitches out at work.

No Cool Story said...

We had to kiss our parents before getting out of the car, in front of the school.
HAD.TO.

UGH, It was so horrible ;)

simply kris said...

did ol' tom have a bro named paul? he was my impossible crush for years. that poor boy. i was ruthlessly after him and he didn't give a hoot. as for embarrissing moments, i seriously cannot think of one, i am so in yo' face that i tend to flip whatever may be getting me back on the getter. rubber. glue. fo' instance, my mom would leave the cart and we'd fill it with beer, condoms, pregnancy tests and sprinkle on some cookies... and THEN tie on balloons. it was like our very own disfunctional float. (btw-mom was single and did not drink beer) :)

carronin said...

Love it! Your mom should teach a class on how to embarrass your teenagers. I would sign up for sure.

Amy M. said...

I am wetting my pants, I am laughing so hard.

MiaKatia said...

Your mom is amazing! I don't remember any of those great embarrassing moments from back in the day. Hopefully my kids will have at least one or two!

Amy said...

The best was when my husband started talking to these scary nerdy girls that kindof had a crush on my oldest son, Mitch. He was just chatting with them and told them that we could put a good word in for them with Mitch. Mitch sat there dying and we wouldn't leave. It was what I became a parent for...

Stephanie M said...

I have NO stories that can top that Min. That is freaking hilarious.

Alice Wills Gold said...

Um yeah..that was too funny...really, didn't she use tampons...all the cool moms at least use tampons.

You poor thing..but oh how that was so character building and you have to know that you and tom weren't supposed to work out anyway.

*KaTiE cLoVeR* said...

oh my freaking gosh, mom. your soooooo embarrasing. but i still love you! oh and amy, oh my heck that is hillarious!