pet peeve: STG GHETTO MOVIE THEATER


so, the other night we went to the sunset movie theaters. which, in st. george, can be a traumatic experience as all of our movie theaters are broken-down, straight-played, ghetto-UNfabulous trainwrecks.

i don't know why we can't get a decent theater around here--i would pay extra $$$ just to walk into a bathroom that didn't seem straight out of a scene from a horror flick: flickering fluorescent lights, clogged toilets, (or THREE, like at stadium 8 sat. night) and smells straight from the depths of hell are not what i had in mind when i gave them my cash.

unfortunately, the movie theaters in santa jorge seem to be controlled by the small-town version of the movie mafia, as they are all owned by the same corporation. and said corporation realizes that the mormons are all so desperate for something to do, that we will accept a movie theater STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON.

the point of this whole rant is that when we walked into our theater the other night, all of the lights were on--like, "cleaning the theater" on. not good. in all of my years of movie-going, i don't think i've ever seen the theater in it's full-blown, fully-lit glory.

i had a chance to look around and i nearly needed to be tranquilized. there is a REASON the lights are on dim, people. when was the last time you took a look at your chair in the cold, hard light of day? if the hairs on the upholstery weren't enough to throw me over the edge, then the floors were.



so, i am offering a reward: ONE HUNDRED AMERICAN DOLLARS to somebody willing to build a decent movie theater in st. george. to collect (and i am dead serious) you have to be fully operating, naturally.

100 dollars might not seem like that much money, but i think it could buy a few gallons of that luscious artificial butter for the popcorn.

20 comments:

Kristina P. said...

So, when we were just in St. George, we were looking for a movie, that I ended up reading wrong and ended up being in Hurricane.

At the theater on the way to Santa Clara, we saw the sign that said no refunds for content. HAHAHAHAHA! Really? They need a sign? And it's not even Provo!

tiburon said...

I think you should open it. Get your friends to pool their money and open a supa dupa fly theater. And then sit back and live like royalty.

Even though you already do...

tammy said...

Since I've been in the theaters in St. George, I can feel your pain. But I like what Tib said. I think it is your calling.

Unknown said...

last time I was in a movie theater in St George (last Christmas maybe), I noticed two things: 1) it was crawling with irritating teenagers who were not nearly as cool as they thought they were (but that goes without saying); and 2) a sign that read "no refunds for content". My sister and I thought that was hilarious.

tara said...

AAAAAMMMMEEEEEEEN.
you could not find a single soul to agree with you MORE than I do at this moment. the theaters in SG are embarrassing. it actually started to PISS ME OFF.
open it mindy. build it and they will come.

..::k.toms::.. said...

It's about time I commented. I've been lurking for quite some time now!
I totally feel you on this. I live in Kaysville and there are NO and I mean NO good theaters up here. AND THEY'RE MORE EXPENSIVE!?!?! I don't get it.
Have you been to the new theater in SoJo? The District? Larry H. sure knows how to build a theater. Maybe he should broaden his territory to NORTHERN AND SOUTHERN UT! He'd make money? Then we would ALL be happy!
Amen sista.

Erin said...

When I go to a theater, I make sure to keep my purse on my lap, not touch the armrests, and when I get home I throw my clothes straight in the washing machine. I need help.

rachel said...

I feel for you...I get to enjoy the Larry H theaters and they are supa dupa fly. I was blown away by the big food court the first time I walked in...you mean I can get pizza, chili cheese fries, and an ice cream cone to take in with me? Saweet!

hoLLy said...

we have supa fly theatres in dallas. sorry, but i just had to rub it in:)

i've never been to a movie when visiting the st. george area and now i'm glad i haven't. thanks for the warning.

Vanessa said...

Whatever St. George theater I went to 12 years ago to see Mr. Wrong starring Ellen Degeneres, waa pretty ghetto.

They really do need a nicer theater, so when I go to PV and I need to escape the fam to see a movie, I don't have to sit in hair. YUCK!

PS, Please email me your address so I can send you your prize!!! vnschmidt@gmail.com

About Me said...

I have been a blurker on your page for awhile and also live in st. jorge. I was so excited when they built pine view right up the street, however, our first trip there my hope disappeared as the theater looked a million years old already!!
We go to Hurricane now, its at least a little nicer!

Aranne and Dan said...

I grew up with a theater like that and was so glad that when I came to Vegas there were plenty of fabulous theaters to choose from... sorry you had to see that!

S said...

Go ahead build it! I am sure you will become the hero of SG. We have one theater like that in town. You wanna ask what they are charging you for? Even the fresh made popcorn is stale! How is THAT possible.

kami @ nobiggie.net said...

That stinks...literally! Awhile ago, I saw so much dust on the wall, I have never been back to that theater. It is a rare occasion for us to see a movie in the theater, like this weekend!!! HSM 3! I think I am the most excited. :)

Physcokity said...

Write the movie company mafia HNIC's and let them know you are disappointed with the quality of theaters...or you could just open a drive in ;)

{Annie N.} said...

SO Gross! I hope some one takes up your offer. :)

Tiffany said...

Song for you {sung to the tune of "I'll Build You a Rainbow"}:

I'll Build You a Movie Theater

OK, that's as far as I got, but I want those 100 bucks bad....

Becky, yep said...

MMMmmmm - fake butter popcorn!

Omgirl said...

I smell a good franchise opportunity! And I guess I mean SMELL, literally.

The Wright Family said...

Total Blurker here...and another that agrees the Hurricane theatre (not owned by previous stated Santa Jorge conglomerate) is a fairly decent place! Their employees are required to dress up. However, they are NAZI when it comes to putting your feet up on the chairs and will come ask you repeatedly to remove them. P.S. last time I went I noticed a broken chair too! Maybe they're slacking!