we had a major infestation of flies a few weeks ago. i thought that we had passed the fly season successfully with no major breakdowns and minimal nuisance.
then we had a swarm descend on our house that was of biblical proportion. i'm talking god's plagues on the egyptians type thing--they were EVERYWHERE, and i was totally creeped out.
i heard in 7th grade that every time a fly landed on something and rubbed it's little fly-feelers together, it was throwing up on whatever it was on. i've spent a lifetime of not eating certain parts of my food that i know a fly has been hanging out on, and i'm not even a huge germ freak.
my dad was always the master fly swatter in my house growing up, so i didn't have a lot of first-hand fly extermination experience. i've never been much interested in squashing them because somebody else usually took care of that sort of thing.
i did discover something about myself, though, as i looked up on my ceiling and was horrified by the 75 or so flies resting comfortably up there: i have an undeniable murderous thirst for fly mutilation and murder when under siege.
i set out with the fly swatter like a fat kid searching for chocolate cake and started kicking fly butt and taking fly names. i honed my skills, learned how to sneak up on 'em from behind, and perfected the art of distract, deflect, and DESTROY.
each time i got one, i had an incredible sense of fulfillment and reward. and it only got better the more i killed--i even got to a point one day where i was consciously keeping track of how many i'd killed in my head. my personal best was 43 in a 12 hour period. i should have made a pie graph charting my accomplishments.
we are now back at defcon 1 in this house--the fly invasion of '08 is over. and i am a better woman for it.
does anyone wanna challenge my superior fly-swatting skillz? we could have a "swat-off".
just name the time and place. i'll be there.
and i'll BRING IT.
17 comments:
Daphne and Beck are both expert fly swatters after our summer invasion. Beck even caught one with his BARE HANDS the other day. (Very good, Daniel San!) So maybe he'll take you on!
"Beginners luck!" :)
I bet you got some sweet Ninja fly swating moves. I have the same hatred for ants!
I am a pro, I will take you on blind folded..
I found 2 doing the nasty in my kitchen and I went a-wall I tell ya.. Didn't end well for them...
Fly swatters totally freak me out. Something about all those childhood spankings on my bare peaches! Please bring your swatter on over and take care of mine, please.
Now we have to add mad fly swatting skillz to your list of many talents? I think I love you more.
You seriously crack me up!!!
"Oh, it's already been broughten!" lol
Saturday
Corner of 46th and Broadway (Times Square)
8:00pm
Be there.
Avery calls the fly swatter the "bee smacka"
What?! You are going to NYC too?! Waaaa...
ps. I need to send Rukkus the fly killin' fool down to live with you next time this happens...hopefully there isn't a next time.
Ew, I hate flies.
We were in Pine Valley over Labor Day and there seemed to be an infestation. So I bought a swatter - with an electrical current running through it. It looked like a tennis raquet. (is that not how I spell racket?) Hmmm.
Anyways, all you have to do is come in contact with the little pests and it 'lectrocutes them. It's fascinating. It kept all the grown men entertained for hours.
My hubby gets 'em with his hand.... Beat that (YUCK!!)
I'm the blog stalker that stalked Tib and now you!!
I will only swat flies out of extreme necessity. I will call you any time I need you mad skilz.
I catch them with my chopsticks, Danielsan.
But can you catch them in chopsticks like Mr. Miagi?
Thanks for the laugh. I needed that! Call me so you can get your free and 1/2 off Scentsy from your party.
I was a killer fly swatter until a couple of years ago. I smacked dead center on a VERY large fly and what came out of it? Little squirming maggots. The little bitch was pregnant! From then on, me no likey swattin the flies, it's the manly man's job now.
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