Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot: kill me now.

this is seriously how i feel right now because all i have heard for the past THIRTY MINUTES is the constant, incessant BEEP BEEP BEEP of my car alarm...i just had one of the most embarrassing moments of my adult life. good thing i have a blog so i can come right home, whine about it as my fingers fly across the keys and then post it so you can all comfort me....and that's the way it should be ALL the time.

i just ran down to maverick with mia to get some gas. we went into the store to get a drink and when i came back out my hand hit the "panic" button on my keys and the alarm started blaring. i pushed the button again, and it kept going. i pushed it again and again and AGAIN, and nothing. mia started crying. everyone in the store was looking at me. i started pushing all the buttons, then i got in the car and turned it on and STILL it beeped. really freaking loud.

i turned the car off and on. i got the manual out of the glove compartment, all flustered and trying to calm mia down. a man came over from the pump but we could barely communicate over the blaring--he tried to get in and help, no dice.

i couldn't call russ because he was playing softball and he wouldn't have his phone on him whilst doing his very important job of guarding 1st base, so i was COMPLETELY freaked.

by now the maverick workers (all 3!) had come out and were watching. i turned around to see every person over at the pumps looking my way and i wanted to DIE!!!! i didn't know how to make the blasted thing stop, and nobody could help me.

after almost 15 minutes (which in car alarm-blaring years is more like 2 hours) this gnarly looking dude with some sweet tattoos was able to make it stop for about 1 minute. he tried to tell me that my alarm was an aftermarket add-on, i needed to disconnect it, etc. i thanked him profusely and opened the back door to get mia in and it started going off, again. this time he couldn't get it to stop, so i got in the car, and DROVE HOME WITH THE ALARM GOING OFF THE WHOLE WAY. i felt like such an idiot, mia was hysterical by now, and the last straw was when i pulled up to the stop light and this guy pulled up next to me and threw his hands up in the air and totally scowled at me. i flipped him the bird and continued to drive home, completely humiliated that, a: i had a car that wouldn't SHUT UP and , secondly, i had just resorted to 14-year old mindi by flipping the "draper bird" (translation: the really bad one.) awesome.

i pulled into the garage and i called russ's phone. he actually answered and i started wigging out on him and he told me to get out of the car, put the key in the lock, and turn it over. i did and it stopped.

mia is still crying and it's been almost an hour since it happened. poor little thing will need counseling after this. she keeps telling me that we "need a new car, mommy! need a new car!"

i am never driving anywhere again. period.

43 comments:

hollylynn said...

good for you for giving that guy the bird. that is why we invented the bird.

hollylynn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
buddens said...

Ooohh, no fun! Especially the part where you find out it's no big deal to turn it off.

To comfort you, I'll share a tale. When I was little my parents had an old flower delivery van that they bolted a seat down in the back to make it so we could have a place sit. Pretty ghetto. At one point in it's sub-glamorous life, the van's horn would honk every time you would turn the steering wheel, much to my mom's utter humiliation. The worst was that it would often get stuck, honking incessantly as my mom helplessly tried to figure out what was wrong. Needless to say, people were a bit disgruntled if she came to visit during their kids' nap time. So even though I was only like 3, I feel a little of your pain because I still remember the look on my mom's face as she beat the tar out of that poor steering wheel on multiple occasions, aching for it to just STOP!

Hayley said...

oh mindi... i'm sorry that happened to you!!! but you seriously gave me a good chuckle! i would die laughing if i saw some car cruising by with the alarm on. watch out people! mindi's on the road!!!

hoLLy said...

oh my gosh, that is horrible! when i pictured the whole thing, it just sounded like pure heck. pure heck. poor mia and poor you! i admit i kinda laughed too, when i pictured you driving home with the alarm on and flipping some guy off. sounds like something right out of a movie:) you'll laugh about it someday. . .right? :)

Mindi said...

holly--already laughing about it now.

but that's because it's TOMORROW already.

Me and The Boys said...

Oh- that would so totally happen to me! I feel for ya! but at least you got to flip the bird and it was totally justified!

Collette said...

I agree with Mia and you need a new car-who doesn't want a new car-and now you have the perfect excuse. funny story and I am glad you are laughing about it today.

boxerlover said...

That sounds so embarassing but, I had a good chuckle on an early friday morning.

Angie said...

Ok, a few points I need to comment on...
1. You must really like pussies! (what the heck, they are invading your blog!)
2. My heart pounds out of utter embarrassment for you because when mine has gone off and its lasted longer than maybe 3 seconds the flushed face and frantic hands are more than I can bare!
3. The fact that you actually had to get in that car in front of the "lookers on-ers" and freakin drive off into the sunset is beyond my mentality to process the thought!
4. Stop signs? Why you? You are so dark skinned, but I'll bet you looked more like carrot top from the amount of humiliation you were feeling.
5. The bird. The 1980's bird. When you're old like we are, we KNOW when the bird means business! Would have loved to have a picture of that one!
6. Question? How far in advance was you pushing your garage door at home to go up? 2 blocks?
7. My guess is you may want to go to the Dr. to have your neck checked due to all the looking back and forth and all around to see who was watching you. I'm sure you don't even know how many were!
8. Bless little Mia! She WILL be on Oprah someday, I'm sure!
9. To be a fly on the gas pump that day just to hear and watch what people were thinking about you. I think I can hear the laughter from here! (I only can say this because I hit a friggin cement barrier at Maverick a few years ago in my brand new black Denali. It was louder than a gun going off in your ear and Mav was totally crowded. I'm sure there were comments like: "that's what she gets for driving that expensive vehicle" or "ha-ha, she deserves it that spoiled biotch!" or "don't look, but that dumb a$&, snot nosed lady just wrecked her car!".) I know they were saying it and laughing about it, so I truly feel your pain.
10. Poor Russ! You just had to take away his man time! Oh, who am I kidding he probably hung up, told all his buddies in a complete laughing mode then got up and hit a home run!
Thanks for another good laugh! Never a dull moment with you, I love it!

Tiffany said...

AAAAAHHHH Mindi!! I'm so sorry!! I hate that you had to live through that, but I'm really glad you got me laughing on Friday morning!! Maybe take the remote off your keychain and unlock manually to avoid this ever happening again. =)

Ginnie said...

Seriously, funny!
My only regret is that I couldn't be there to see it all happen... er, I mean, help you ;)

Shanz said...

OH MAN! I am so sorry! I always love a good embarrassing moment!

gina bina said...

I've had that happen to me too!! Although on a much smaller and less embarrassing scale. :)

Adam and Kristina said...

Wow! If there was anytime for the bird, that was it.

Chillygator said...

Oh man. You drove home that way? I would not be that brave.

Once upon a time I had a BAD fight with a friend and decided to go to her house with brownies and apologize. It was late at night, but I took my dad's new van because if I had to circle the neighborhood a few times to get up my nerve, I didn't want her recognizing my car (it sounds so stalkery!). I got there and waited a few houses down from her house because I just couldn't bring myself to go up there (I was so scared). Eventually I got out, locked the car and started for the door but chickened out again and went back to my car, unlocked and opened it and somehow turned the alarm on. It was blaring very late on a quite street and I wanted to die and the interior lights wouldn't turn off and the alarm wouldn't turn off. I dove in the very back and covered myself with a blanket, called my mom and told her I was not driving this car any more. I was sobbing, of course. My parents had to come out (luckily the alarm stopped on it's own) and drive the car home with me in the back the whole way.

And the friend never got the cookies and we were never friends again and so it goes...

Suzie said...

Love a girl that will seize a bird-worthy moment.
& also love a girl that can blog her most embarassing moments for the rest of us to laugh and share the pain.
go you.

Hey Mia, you ok honey?

tammy said...

What are blogs for if not to share our more embarrassing moments? I can laugh only because it has happened to me before, just not as extreme. And I am so flipping that guy off for you right now in my head.

Suka and Brittany said...

Sometimes, in situations such as these, I will send someone "The Flock"... when one Bird just isn't enough...

Holly H. said...

I hate to laugh Mindi, but that is hilarious! Oh how I wish I could've been there to witness that. Sorry about little Mia though...

samiam said...

Oh my this is a big fear of mine. Poor Mia. I like her idea, any excuse to buy a new car right?

Amy M. said...

I would so loved to have been there to witness that. Actually watching you drive home with the alarm blaring would have been even better. Are your ears still ringing?

devri said...

I have to admit, dang funny, I could see myself in that same situation, only my husband complaining that I never take a chance to learn the car..

And actions are always more meaningful than words. great job, although it was the devils bird ya know.... no go repent please.

Ida said...

Mindi, I think you should have my number on speed dial. I could have told you how to fix it. Why because it has happened to me. It's not fun to have your loud ass horn beeping at you while everyone in my little town looks on like I am some crazy lady traveling down the street.

I am serious! You need me! :)

Kami said...

Hilarious! Not the Mia part, mostly the bird part. You need to do the bird like Ross does on Friends. I guess you were all a rage, so that wouldn't have been fitting.

So sorry...so funny.

Judi said...

and I thought those things only happened to me ;)

Holly O. said...

That was YOU?!?!?! I was in MY Maverick and all the workers were talking about some crazy woman who jumped a car and tried to act like it was her own. When she drove away and the alarm was still going, YOUR Maverick called all the other Mavericks to warn them about you.

I kid. I do so wish I had been cruising by and seen you though. I would have given you a smile instead of a scowl. Let me be honest, I would have given dirty looks first. But when I saw it was you, I would have smiled. How's that?

steveandsteph said...

I feel bad that I am smiling as I read this. It sounds awful, but it really is a funny story! One that you will be able to tell for years and years! Poor little Mia:(

Omgirl said...

that sounds horrific. If my car alarm goes off for even a second, I am all panicked. I can't imagine DRIVING HOME in your car with the alarm going. I would have wanted to crawl in a hole and die. You are one tough woman!

MiaKatia said...

At least you have a blog to vent. Ok those car alarms really annoy me too especially when you can't turn them off. But at least now you know how to turn it off right ;)

Darian said...

Jason and I were sitting on the curb talking to Kelly Taysom when you drove up the street and he had just seen you at Maverick and was cracking up telling us the story. After you got home I could hear your alarm going off. You looked so stressed when you drove by...maybe it was the "birdie" guilt sinking in.

Vanessa said...

Flipping people off is 14 year old behavior? I better cut it out then!

rachel said...

I would have been crying right along with Mia...I am an easy crier, especially when I am embarrased, mad, scared, etc....glad that is over!

Alice Wills Gold said...

Little old me saved a big scruffy dude from the same humiliation and frustration..aren't you proud that I knew what to do....and you will too.

Good for flippin him the bird :) People are so rude...like you WANTED to be driving down the street with your alarm on.

Jod Jas Curtis said...

That is AWESOMEly HIlarious!! SORRY, it does suck a mean one to have your alarm beeping the whole way home :) Reminds me of high school w/ a friend whose old VW Bug's horn got stuck on the freeway- we drove from PV to Bloomington hills with that "F-ed up" thing! So, I've been there-done that :)
I haven't been on forever- love the hotty 1/2 naked dudes, Breaking Dawn Girlies, Sweet Mia's singing & the sweet homemade cards!!--where do I get those?!?
loves
jodi

The Patrona said...

I can SYMPATHIZE with this one. However, I was luckily in ghetto faublous WENDOVER Nevada, so my casino hopping in all my bells and whistles, was not too alarming. However, my mortification, was enough to demand a divorce from Patron, due to my frustration. I'm still sending him appeals to have it removed from my car. PIA!

Hacking it up said...

Hello!!!! I missed you while I was gone!!! I am majorly behind on my blogging....it's so refreshing to get back to you!

I'm so sorry about your alarm incident...dang. I locked my kids in the car at the gas station once...they were both too small to get out of their car seats to unlock the door...luckily, I had my window down a tiny bit and somebody had a hanger...duh...

Whenever Lance is outside by the cars,I push the panic button on the car remote...I'll do this several times in a few minutes....It ticks him off...it makes me laugh....I think Russ would appreciate that too....don't you? :)

Jori said...

I can't believe that jackass threw his hands up in the air. Like you're doing it on purpose. Did you hear about the guy in SLC who had a gun pulled on him for asking the car next to him for gray poupon? I'm thinking you would have been well within your rights to take out your "piece" and "cap" him. Wow, I am SO street!

Tiburon said...

Awww Mindi that sucks!!! I can feel the mortification and humiliation. I love that you were reduced to flipping the really bad bird though. It made me laugh a little.

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

I'm sorry...but this was too funny! Not Mia crying part, that was sad, but what all you went through and how you described it was too FUNNY!

carly k. said...

You should punch your car in the face next time.

Misty said...

You have terrible luck in cars, don't you. I think you should just plan on riding the bus from now on!

CaryManda said...

I flipping laughed my guts out when reading this. my 7 year old kept asking me if i was ok!?! hahahaha!

That totally sucks. My hubby had that happened. We live near a cemetery and he drove into the middle of it and just sat until it would stop. HAHAHA! It finally did after he pushed a ton of buttons and swore a little bit. :)