always read me a story before bed or why i love being a mom even though that will surprise you.

{mom, chandi, & kaitlyn--1999}

when katie was a toddler, we read SO many books. i had purchased a collection of little dr. seuss books from some random ad in the back of a magazine, and we'd wait for the new book to come in the mail every month. (remember, this was pre-internet years. it was old-school survival.)

we read and re-read those books so often that we would get to a point where she could 'read' the entire book to me. almost completely verbatim. her best efforts were 'go, dog, go!' and 'one fish, two fish'--some pages had more words than others, and it always tickled me so when she would recite every word, and with my exact inflection or speech patterns.

then chandler came along, and we read, still--but a little less. then abbey arrived, and with her so did school for katie, more responsibilities as mother, & juggling 3 kids as well as a prescription for prozac. so we read, still--but even less.

so when poor little child number 4 hit the scene, reading was at an all-time minimum.

by the time we'd go to get children in bed, we were DONE. we wanted to get them tucked in/sent off to bed/kissed goodnight as quickly as possible. our 'child-meter' had hit it's maximum potential, and russ and i were both ready for offspring-free time. AT ALL COSTS.

i eased my guilt by telling myself that we had at least tucked them in, clean, teeth brushed (mostly) and that was a credit to our parenting. after all, lots of kids don't get that, right? plus, mia got a story every now and then when we forced an older child to read to her. AND i play puzzles with her here and there. that should do it, right? RIIIIIIGGGHHHHT?

then, i had a small ephinany: a month ago or so i read THIS post. now, keep in mind that i don't read or follow nie nie. i think her story is inspiring, but i keep my blog following at bare minimum. so i don't even know how i would have stumbled across this, except for the fact that i needed to.

i started crying 1/2 way through and couldn't stop for about 25 minutes afterward.

and i came to this conclusion: being a mother is a gift. i don't always view it that way when each and every parenting moment comes along, but i only have this one shot at it. my children are growing and will remember many positive things about both russ and i as parents (we don't screw EVERYTHING up. sheesh!) but i lack sometimes in the 'little gestures' department. i know it's my biggest area for improvement.

so i vowed to start reading every night to the younger girls-- if i couldn't, then russ was on.

i realize it's not huge. but it's SOMETHING.



and i've started to enjoy it again.