dear us weekly,
please, please PLEASE stop printing this magazine that i love more than my own life--i have come to depend on it's existence to justify my own, and i need to cut my umbilical cord that leads straight to your pages.
the money i spend on your publication each year should be going into my four children's college education funds. instead, i have told them to learn phrases like "would you like to supersize this meal?" and "housekeeping? housekeeping?" i know that not a dime from my subscription fund will make it into their accounts.
i wish you would no longer tempt me with just the right amount of fluff, hollywood gossip and photos of shallow celebrities, while not burdening me with excessive amounts of time-consuming stories about people who fought terminal illness or heroes who saved someone's life. if you would no longer print stories about britney's hair extensions or heidi and spencer's romantic valentine's day yacht jaunt or what joey fatone's red carpet checklist was, i would be able to give you up for good.
but you continually ensnare me with articles like this one about our own beehive state's rehab facility in sundance:
editors, do you realize that by making rehab sound like an exclusive, vip-only resort that it makes me want to have an intervention of my very own, so that i could jet on cirque's private helicopter and take yoga classes with eva and kirsten and lindsay?? surely it has come to your attention that by giving me an article like this:
only reinforces my downward shame-spiral by the fact that i have NOT received my anti cellulite body scrub and wrap, and that my cellulite called and told me it was "here to stay, for like ever!"
so i am begging you, good people of us weekly --please start printing photos of hillary clinton's presidential campaign and articles outlining the food-pyramid and it's nutritional benefits. if you would be so kind as to review only independent pre-worldwar two german films with no subtitles and documentaries that showcase duck hunters and their fascinating world of thigh-high waders, i would no longer find myself a slave to your pages. only then can i move on with my life and make good on the promise to quit you for forever. until then i remain
your dysfunctional, co-dependant friend,
mindi
please, please PLEASE stop printing this magazine that i love more than my own life--i have come to depend on it's existence to justify my own, and i need to cut my umbilical cord that leads straight to your pages.
the money i spend on your publication each year should be going into my four children's college education funds. instead, i have told them to learn phrases like "would you like to supersize this meal?" and "housekeeping? housekeeping?" i know that not a dime from my subscription fund will make it into their accounts.
i wish you would no longer tempt me with just the right amount of fluff, hollywood gossip and photos of shallow celebrities, while not burdening me with excessive amounts of time-consuming stories about people who fought terminal illness or heroes who saved someone's life. if you would no longer print stories about britney's hair extensions or heidi and spencer's romantic valentine's day yacht jaunt or what joey fatone's red carpet checklist was, i would be able to give you up for good.
but you continually ensnare me with articles like this one about our own beehive state's rehab facility in sundance:
editors, do you realize that by making rehab sound like an exclusive, vip-only resort that it makes me want to have an intervention of my very own, so that i could jet on cirque's private helicopter and take yoga classes with eva and kirsten and lindsay?? surely it has come to your attention that by giving me an article like this:
only reinforces my downward shame-spiral by the fact that i have NOT received my anti cellulite body scrub and wrap, and that my cellulite called and told me it was "here to stay, for like ever!"so i am begging you, good people of us weekly --please start printing photos of hillary clinton's presidential campaign and articles outlining the food-pyramid and it's nutritional benefits. if you would be so kind as to review only independent pre-worldwar two german films with no subtitles and documentaries that showcase duck hunters and their fascinating world of thigh-high waders, i would no longer find myself a slave to your pages. only then can i move on with my life and make good on the promise to quit you for forever. until then i remain
your dysfunctional, co-dependant friend,
mindi
7 comments:
LOL! Turn it in Mindi! That would be hilarious, and I bet they would publish it, who knows maybe even hire you to write for them?!?!
The fact that I can relate to every word that you have written should bring me great shame!! I also have an addiction to this magazine that my husband so "lovingly" refers to as "my fluff." Why oh why must we be slaves to this stuff? It is trash and I know it each and every time i open its glossy pages that beckon me from my mailbox (does that make me even worse that I have a subscription and don't just pick it up at the grocery store each week or smarter because I save bundles of money by not paying the cover price?). i agree with Jennie, it is time to send this letter to the editors!
DO IT! Send this letter.
Dear Mindi,
Amen to that! People mag is totally my weekly news magazine.
Please tell me how you put pictures in your blog - do you scan or take with a digital camera?
You have only been blogging for a month? amazing! You should teach a class. Stephanie
stephanie--
thanks for my very first official fan letter!! i feel as if i should get a tattoo to commemorate the occasion.
i both scan and upload from my digital camera. however, i am computer-challenged, so it has to be easy for me.
i tried to see if you had a blog, but it wouldn't let me access it--if you do, let me know how to get to it!
much love/peace out
mindi
I am on facebook - so I am 'flogging' (combo of facebook and blog)(I made that up), and using that as my social utility medium. You make it seem so much fun, its tempting. I tried to blog once and couldn't figure out how to fix up my workspace, so it was white and ugly. And I can't work in ugly. Any tips?
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1127663686
Post a Comment