it was the most magical time of the year at chandler's elementary school: MATURATION PROGRAM DAY.
she brought home the note telling me about it and wanted to make sure i could come. i said i would ONLY if i could raise my hand and answer any questions they had OR if i could talk about our experiences with maturing using only examples of her.
poor chanandler bong. this is a suckity time to have a smart arse as a mother.
she just rolled her eyes and said, "MOM! don't embarrass me!"
ahhhh, the maturation talk.....i remember it fondly.
i also remember coming out of the dark lunchroom after viewing the slide show, carrying my bag of "speshhuulnesss" under my coat and trying to avoid all eye contact with anybody of the opposite sex.
but i must say, they did quite a bang-up job of it over in our neck of the woods. the video was current, up-to-date and not chuck full of cringe-worthy "a very SPECIAL after school special" performances.
the doctor who came to speak with us afterwords was straight forward, funny, and candid. as was the teacher who handled it all with style.
the only problem was the fact that chandler had to keep telling me, "mom--be QUIET! SHUT UP!" when i would lean over to give her commentary. i can't figure out why....
so, my question to you is: did you have a 'MATURATION PROGRAM' at your elementary? do tell.....
20 comments:
I don't remember the maturation program at my elementary school, but I have been to one with my daughter. It was pretty good, although i had a hard time making eye contact with anyone. i felt like I would start laughing nervously at any moment.
Much worse was me mentioning something to my 13-year old today about prostitutes and then having to explain what a prostitute is. Keep your mouth shut, Jennie!
I remember the room being dark, we watched a movie on the cool movie projector with the two round wheels. I remember weird diagrams. My mom wasn't there, it was in the middle of the day. Girls in one room, boys in the other. I must have blocked the rest of it out!
Christian had his this year and specifically asked us not to come. However, when we got home, we spent a lot of time talking. And if I didn't think he'd hate me forever, I would have posted our adorably graphic conversation for all the Internet to read.
As for me, I hated my program. I wanted to die instead of learn more about my changing body.
I tried to block most of it out, too. My mother wasn't embarrassed at all, and just kept talking about it. Sheesh, shut up mom! I now know that I will be that kind of mom. Not embarrassed at all and lovingly embarrassing to my daughter. I do remember leaving the dark lunchroom, too. Also avoiding all eye contact with boys, maybe even girls. I remember being relieved that my mom could take me home after.
I remember they served RED Kool-Aid after. Scarred me for life. And one of the girls in my 5th grade class had already started and her mom made her wear the old belt contraption instead of stick-ons. I'm thinking she's probably scarred for life too.
We saw this stuff in 6th grade and by then, I'd already started my period. I do remember being mortified, though, and embarrassed. I don't recall the moms being allowed to join in on the fun, though. Pretty sure it was just us girls and the school nurse.
I think I have a couple of years to go...thank god, so I can mentally prepare myself for that one!
i remember mine- it was oh, so serious. today things are so much open and fun and i think they do a far better job of keeping it all real and normal and preventing the girls from leaving feeling like a freak.
hey, and congrats on the skiing success!
We had the talk in the library and the school nurse showed us a film strip and then opened the time up for questions. Every one was afraid to ask any, so she started talking about how we shouldn't flush our "sanitary napkins" down the toilet because it would clog the plumbing all up. And if the plumbing got clogged, Mr. Abbot, the custodian, would have to pull the sanitary napkin out of the pipes and he would "know" who it belonged to and come after us. It scared the crap out of me because I had flushed one. I was just waiting for Mr. Abbot to come and find me and rat me out to the rest of the school.
okay, I lurk a lot and I have to comment here because one of my earliest embarrassing moments was right before maturation thing in 5th grade. The boys had already left to play basketball or whatever and the girls were waiting around for parents to show up and some girls were talking about cramps (uh, they were 10!). Not wanting to be left out of the conversation, I chimed in that I also got cramps in my legs sometimes. They all laughed at me for being so clueless.
But I must admit, the only thing I remember about the maturation presentation was a film strip that kept asking questions "can I still ride a bike? can I still go swimming? can I still ride a horse?" All of which left me wondering what the hell is going to happen to me? So I read Judy Blume for the answers.
Oh, the memory! I thought I had worked through all this, but obviously, you have triggered a long repressed piece of my life that is best buried.
Our maturation program was in the "all purpose room". Same one we practiced music in. No video just posters and talking. All that was fine, it was my Mother afterwards. I was informed that only bad girls used tampons and was promptly introduced to the pad that required a "belt" to hold in place. Yes I am THAT old. I was told to check daily for spotting (like I knew what that was!) and where to find these cotton pony wonder items in the bathroom.
I still hate her!
This is so hilarious! We didn't have any parents at ours, but the boys went in one room and the girls in another. No one would look at each other afterward boys or girls! I think it might have been a week before things went back to normal.
I don't remember much about our maturation program. I think I blocked it out.
My husband on the other hand will tell you that at his elementary they sent the boys out to recess and the girls went to the multi-purpose room. Then, the boys spent the next 30 minutes standing on each others shoulders so they could see in the windows!
i didn't repress much. i still remember the horror of it vividly. sometimes when i close my eyes i can still see that ancient woman holding up a gigantical pair of granny panties and a pad that was so big it could have parted the red sea. and my shock and embarassment was supreme when amy jones(5th grade class slut) asked the nurse to define what a "boner" was. yikes.
i also remember that our video was entitled "growing up on broadway" and the narrator was dressed up like annie. i never liked that musical after that.
the boys movie was called "today a boy, tomorrow a man" and some of the "bad" girls were trading their pamphlets with the boys.
and my mom came. she was the only mom there. and i was so embarassed that i faked sick so that i could go home afterward.
you may have just inspired me to write my own blog post on the subject.
I do recall my own maturation (Hate that word) program in 6th grade. I was already very knowledgable due to a certain big sister and alot of-ahem... literature in our home.
At my daughter's they served these little rectangular strawberry strudel pastries that looked horribly like used sanitary products. Me and a friend (matrue adults) could not stop laughing.
Not only do I remember my maturation program, I have been teaching the one at my kids' school for eight years. My favorite part is when I hand out pens and index cards and make everyone, parents included (yes I've had some dads there) write down a question. Some of the questions are so left field. Last year I had one of the girls ask if girls grew hair on their chests like boys. Does her mom have a problem?
Marcie
I don't remember much about the maturation program at my school other than them showing us a SLIDE SHOW of a series of drawings of girls/women as they were maturing and what the changes to their body would be. And I remember looking excitedly at the final picture thinking how awesome it was going to be when my boobs looked like that. Sadly, 8 years later I was still waiting, and I finally had to accept that they were going to end up looking like the third slide in the series, not the tenth.
MOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Poor Chanandler Bong. What's a girl to do.
ps. Judy Bloom is still my favorite author. ;)
I feel for Chandi. You are the meanest mom ever.
I.want.to.be.just.like.you.
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