katie has this life-size cardboard cutout of edward cullen that resides in her bedroom. (scandalous!)
she bought him with her christmas dinero and felt like it was an investment in her HAPPINESS. i felt like it was a complete and total waste of money, but what do i know since i buy retarded things like toe rings and shiny, glittering objects? i didn't have a leg to stand on, so the purchase was made.
a few days after she and edward shacked up, i walked downstairs in the late afternoon to put some clean clothes on the bed. i turned to leave her bedroom when i saw him standing in front of the closet , and i dropped my drink, the laundry basket, and yelled "AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!" louder than i thought my 38ish-year-old-mommy lungs were capable of.
he scared the living daylights right outta me. BIG time.
my heart was thumping, and my pulse racing and my stomach did flip flops and i had to lean against the bedpost to catch my breath and try to laugh at myself. but never before had i been scared that hard--i was convinced it was a man who had snuck into the basement, and it was a feeling i don't ever want to experience again. (unless he's there to clean the carpets, and then i'm totally cool.)
it made me think about what i would have done if edward had REALLY snuck in, and i needed to bust a move on him. the thing i keep coming back to is :
GUT.
FACE.
GROIN.
attention all potential predators who are gonna sneak into my basement after recognizing my house from photos i carelessly posted on my blog: i have ninja skillz, and i'm not afraid to BRING THE PAIN.
22 comments:
What that last photo? lol
You crack me up woman.
I used to have a large picture of Jerry Garcia in my bathroom and many times I would hop to of the shower, catch his eyes, and my stomach would fly up my throat. Jerry is not necessarily someone you want to see you naked.
Edward on the other hand...
Holy Crap!!! I have had that happen to me, but it was in my friends car and she had a big mirror in the back seat of her car. It was night and when I got out of the car, I thought there was someone in her back seat! HOrrible feeling! Of course it was just me, :)
A funny story AND a self defense lesson? Priceless.
Scary. Like the whole boy ghost from '3 Men and a Baby'. While I know it's just a cut out, it still freaks me out.
I bet you could take someone down.
Now you know how Bella feels! Except she likes when this creepy dude magically appears in her bedroom!
adults who are infatuated with him---weird. Just weird.
I'd have been freaked out like you!
I once backed into the heated towel rack that I set in the hallway while sweeping the bathroom floor. I thought there was an intruder, and I immediately wheeled around, beating the shit out of it.
Needless to say---I ended up with a 2 or 3 inch scratch down my leg. The towel rack won.
You often provide valuable public service on your blog. This entry is no exception.
I think I would've peed myself had this happened to me.
Lesson learned. Gut. Face. Groin.
Got it!
I am cracking up! I am actually picturing you breaking out those ninja moves on the cardboard Edward right after you are done screaming....then realizing it was the fakey Edward. Come on, admit it: you owe Katie a new cutout don't cha?
I can hear you now..."High-Ya!!" You tell-em Mind. :)
I love that moment that you figure out it's not a real person and you laugh a little. Then you laugh a little more because you keep hearing your own scream over and over again inside your head.
Good times...
CLASSIC-- Love that you have the Ninja Skillz! I just wish you had a hidden camera video of that whole experience, now that would be PRiCeLeSs :)
luvs ya girly....
I am really and truly laughing out loud!
I love that Rob Pattinson/Edward Cullen kid and my daughter has the same cut out...he doesn't scare me but he does make me happy in the pants a little bit. Of course he resides upstairs in her room. If he ever wanders down to any other part of the house, I may have to grab his crotch too :)
Life size cutout of Edward? I guess to each his own and if it makes her happy, then scaring her mother is just part of the deal.
Now a life size cut out of Derek Jeter? I'd scream every day with pure delight!
Might I recommend a fake to the face-kick to the groin, I would fall for that every time...wow, that just came off a little creepy.
My daughter loves Edward. She wants to vacation this summer in Forks. I have to remind her where reality is and where her fake world of finding love with Edward ends. Good news is that she finally has developed a crush on a cute red head she goes to school with.
Ha Ha! I know exactly how you feel! My grandma had a Ken Griffey Jr. cutout on her garage. That thing scared the crap out of me every time I walked into her house. (and we go there a lot) Every. Single. Time. It's gone now, thank goodness, not sure where he went, don't really care. I'm just happy that my heart isn't trying to fly out of my chest each time I walk into a dark garage with my kids.
From one ninja to another - you rock my wold. Just a little advice though - the two finger eye poke is less ninja and a little more Three Stooges. I would probably go with the left hook followed by a right cross. AND, if you really want to go UFC on his ass, clinch up, pull his head down and land some knee srikes to the face. Yeah girl, that would be AWESOME!
You know that Edward, he can sneak right into your duaghter's room w/o you hearing a sound. Gotta watch out for the vampire boyfriends, Mindi. Didn't you learn anything from the movie??
I heart you. I really do.
Off to practice my FACE GUT GROIN
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